Susan
by Lily Argetfricai
Summary: One-shot. Susan's thoughts many years down the road on why she forgot Narina and didn't die that day on the train...   Sort of a book/movie cross over


AN: First of all I LOATHE this paring and I LOATHE Susan Pensive, or at least I did before writing this fic (oh, the awful thing of empathyzing with the characters). I just never understood why she had to go and be so stupid as to deny Narnia existed, I would not have done so. But after watching the second movie (which I also LOATHED because what is up with the OLD Caspian, he is supposed to be like 12! and the Suspian!) I felt it was kind of unfair to Susan because the next time we would see Narnia, Caspian would marry someone who was not her. And then the whole Susan is an idiot who denies Narnia existed made lots of sense, she was hurt over the whole Caspian issue... and this was born. Sorry for the rant (and after that, no one can think I own this characters).

EDIT: thanks divergary for pointing out that I had Reepicheep's name wrong (Ritichip). (The problems that come from reading in one language and writing in the other.

Read, Enjoy and Review.

/

It was my first kiss. I have never looked at a boy or man the way I looked at him, not when I was a queen, not before and not after. I still think I had fallen in love with him, in him I saw my fairy tale ending, my prince charming.

I know I was foolish, I wouldn't be going back to Narnia anymore, Aslan said so, but I still hoped and waited.

Next summer, I went with my parents to America, it was all new, big and bustling with activity. I loved it. But still in one corner of my mind I couldn't help but compare it to my kingdom, his kingdom, our kingdom; Narnia. And Narnia won in every single way, America didn't have my prince.

When we got back Luce and Ed were static, wanting to tell me all about Narnia, but they made me wait until we were together, the four of us; both of them, Peter and me. I still remember…

"And Eustace grabbed the frame –" started Edmund.

"You know the only pretty one, the one of the Narnian ship-" Lucy continued.

"And we were in Narnia –

"Caspian was looking for the long lost lords –

"We sailed to the end of the world –

"Reepicheep went to the Emperor Beyond The Sea –

"We were sold as slaves –

"Narnia is flat –

They spoke one on top of another, overlapping stories. In the end they gave me and Peter the full and deeply detailed story of their journey. I was avid to know about my precious prince; who had been a king for two years already. But then they told me about _her_, the star girl, the girl he was going to marry… I stopped listening when they arrived at that point of the trip. I couldn't hear anymore. I was crumbling, my siblings didn't notice, they were too exited about Narnia to think twice about Caspian marring. Caspian, while I had been waiting and daydreaming, he had moved on.

That is when the façade started, I stopped believing. Is not like I could actually stop believing in Narnia, which would be like not believing in America, it was there, I had been there. I just pretended I didn't believe, when someone asked about Narnia I would say it had all been a game, I stopped going to church, where I had fount Aslan on Earth. None of them realized, not my siblings, not the professor, not Polly, not Jill, not Eustace, none of them saw the way I was hurting, the way I clinged to memories. Memories that didn't change while everyone else did, memories of my time as queen and of him, sometimes in my daydreams I went back and Caspian's arms were open for me, those daydreams only made reality hurt more.

I went to parties; I tried to find another prince and to move on. I fount a guy, his name is Alex. He was so different from Caspian and he understood me like only _he_ had. I was allowing myself to be happy after all this years. I wasn't going back to Narnia and there was no use changing that. Then they died, my whole family died, and in my heart I knew they were back in Narnia, with my prince and his star wife.

But I'll live, Caspian has moved on and so will I. Next time we meet I wont be an idiot girl pinning after him, I'll be a grown woman who lived and loved without him. In a way I'm thankful to Aslan for keeping me alive…


End file.
